We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Randomize
