WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
