He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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