so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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