Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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