Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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