...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
