Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
