Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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