No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
