Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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