he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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