Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
