quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The air was thick with penises
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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