It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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