just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
