I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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