Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
