Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
