So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
3pm strippers are depressing
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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