Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
