I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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