Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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