So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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