I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
