You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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