So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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