im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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