Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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