you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
