Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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