Already got asked if we're dating
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
