well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
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Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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