I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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