this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
