She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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