Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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