He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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