Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My ass is underappreciated
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
