If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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