Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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