Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
