you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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