Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
