we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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