i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
