Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful