he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs