just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.