shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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