i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
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I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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