my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
send nudes
from the living room?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
