We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
