Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
