I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
