He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
