I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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