Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
