im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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