I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
