I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
