She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
