Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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