Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
