Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
