i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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